girlhiker

Jan 18, 2010

Where is the "dead to me" option?  I would like to block people before they IM me.

constantjourney

Jan 18, 2010

"Where is the "dead to me" option?  I would like to block people before they IM me."

"dead to me" does not block people from IM-ing you.  It has also been renamed.

The old "Dead to me" list in its current incarnation is the Hidden Users list under Sweet & Sour Matches.  Go to the Matches menu, select the last item (Hidden Users).  People who you put in this list will not show up on your homescreen or in match searches.  That's it.

To block someone specific from sending you an IM, click on "Settings" in the navigation menu on the left of your screen.  Then click on "IMs" in the page that is displayed, and within that section, click on "Blacklist options" on the right.  People who you enter into the list will not be able to IM you.

HpH0p0p0t0m0z

Jan 22, 2010

One final note before I move on with life: Blocking can be limited! Don't think in absolutes. "Slippery slope" is a logical fallacy.

sfguyyy:   Am I somehow obligated to respond to any "concern" that someone deems such?

Yes. You are. Rational, polite conversation implies responding to what others are saying. Why should anyone respect or respond to your opinions after reading this sentence?

Writing further would be a wast of my time.

BillyBoy64

Jan 22, 2010

Probably not.

sfguyyy

Jan 26, 2010

 

Writing further would be a wast of my time.

 

LOL.  Or you could just follow-up to the detailed points I made, just the way you asked.

Looks like you're outta ammo.

 

uhhhyeahhh

Feb 16, 2010

even tho i've noticed that this thread has been going on for over a year now and the feature still does not exists... i still want to put in my two cents.

i understand it seems kind of pointless to have a block feature as this site is to expose yourself to as many ppl as possible to find your ideal match.

how about a compromise? such as blocking ppl who i am not interested in to view my profile.

i do not understand why ppl i am not interested in can view me. for example, why is my profiile open for girls if i am only looking for a bf? what's the point to this? to be friends? sure, but i'm not interested, so i should be able hide from said girls that are looking for friends. (as a reminder, this is just an example)

there should be a feature to at least limit the users that you are not interested in to view your profile, on both sides. that way i dont have to bother hiding these ppl and they wont waste their time trying to msg me only just for me to either a) ignore them. it sucks to be the one who gets ignored. or b) leads me to awkward situations of me telling them politely that i am just not interested (which btw some guys dont take it too well and send you bitter insults as a result!). 

and this is something no one addressed, which is viewers i am NOT interested in that views my profile often pushes down potential viewers that i MAY be interested in that are no longer showing bc the viewers list only show the last (how many numbers) of viewers.

sfguyyy

Feb 19, 2010

There are a lot of reasons why it is important for profiles to be visible to people whether or not the profile owner thinks they are "dating material".

As just one common example, when someone is going around playing games and trying to stir up trouble, we want to be able to look at their profile and SEE WHO THEY ARE.  I don't care if they are a 99 year old gay woman from Romania that never in a million years would be in my personal dating pool, if they are running around telling people lies about someone, harassing people, etc, it's important to be able to view their profile to get a handle on who they are and what they are doing.

There are many other examples.

This is not just a "dating vending machine".  It is a community.   If you're not inclined to assume everyone is supposed to put on a burka to go outside in their own community to buy a bag of peanuts, then you shouldn't expect people here to hide from everyone else like that either.

 

uhhhyeahhh

Feb 19, 2010

sfguyyy - my suggestion was that I can't see them and they can't see me. As in, they don't even know I am on this site. In this case, how would they start trouble with us?

Again, I may not be clear, but this filter is based on what the user want. So say, using your example, you have a friend who's being harassed by another user on here and you want to view this person, then set your filter a certain way (just like the search match) so you can view them. Or just have your friend copy and paste you the profile and pictures.

In any case, do you work for OkCupid?

sfguyyy

Feb 19, 2010

 

In this case, how would they start trouble with us?

 

If someone was going around telling malicious lies about you (say, that you were a pedophile, or some other sort of criminal, or that you were using the site to prey on people or something), how would you like it if you couldn't even view the profile of the person passing around those stories to other people?

Having to find some other person to "copy and paste" info ain't the solution.  Then you become easily victimized by THAT person potentially playing games and forging stuff, among other things.  As for changing your search parameters to view someone formerly invisible - think about that.  If the subject who didn't want to be "seen" could easily have that wish overridden by someone simply changing their OWN search filter, how does it serve the target person's goal of being invisible to certain people?

Every time this "discussion" comes up, all these people hear the other sides of the issue and then go on like a freight-train waving it all away as insignificant and repeating the same'old mantra.  I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT.

 

In any case, do you work for OkCupid?

 

No I do not.

However, if you want to see what OkCupid's official stance is, just read their comment in the "Help Desk" section, under Feedback, that you can see if you enter "block" under "What are you trying to do?":

 

Block someone from visiting my profile

We allow you to control who contacts you directly through Messages and IM, but we don’t offer the option of excluding individuals or groups of people from appearing to you on the site in Match Searches, Visitors, the Forum, or other places around the site. As in the real world, you’ll encounter people on OkCupid who attract you and people who don’t. And also as in the real world, people you’re not interested in dating might look at you or approach you to say “Hi.” How you choose to handle these encounters is up to you, but we recommend showing those online the same respect you’d show a person you encountered in the real world.

Experience has taught us that most people have very specific parameters in their minds about what sort of person they’re willing to date… but these parameters sometimes become more flexible when someone amazing pops up right in front of you. Our goal is to help people meet great matches, and because what you like is often not exactly the same as what you THINK you’ll like, we want to show you as many people as possible.

 

 

warmmuse

Feb 19, 2010

I would like to have my ex, who is also on OKC to not be able to see my profile. A limited # of "sheilds" would be a reassuring thing to me. I'd like 10, but then, I'm shy. I can also see the be a part of the community argument.

So far as people of the same sex viewing your profile, I'm straight, but have viewed other ladies. I'm "checking out the competition" a little, trying to figure out how to make my profile better, and hoping to possibly expand my circle of friends. I'm sure I'm not the only one with these motivations for viewing profiles of those I'm not sexually attracted to.

tglenn993nn

Feb 19, 2010

Don't be too reassured by such a shield.  As easy as it is to create another account and not put pictures on it, if your ex wants to see your profile, then your ex will see your profile.

uhhhyeahhh

Feb 20, 2010

sfguyyy - I am not going to continue to talk to you about this as it is clear that you feel very strongly about the issue. There really is no point to continue. I do still disagree with what you said, but let's just agree to disagree.

However, I do like OkCupid's reasoning behind not having the block feature. Honestly, if you just showed this disclaimer earlier, it would've saved you a lot of trouble.

sfguyyy

Feb 20, 2010

'twas no trouble at all.  :-)

Keep in mind what tglenn said above - a point I have made many times as well.  When anyone can create a profile here in 60 seconds (along with putting any parameters they want in that profile), the value of preemptively blocking people based on profile characteristics is imaginary at best.

 

ughmika

Mar 18, 2010

I liked a guy on OKC for a while, and then found out indirectly that he isn't interested in me. I've had my main OKC account disabled for a while, but would like to go back to it, and don't want him to know. (And I know that he checks his OKC account all the time.) I wish I could block just him from seeing my profile -- I don't want him to know when I've been going online and such. (And I fear that he'll find me again if I create a second profile.) I don't want to pre-emptively block anyone, and I doubt this guy has a second account, so being able to block him would be useful to me. (Sorry if this has been covered.)

sfguyyy

Mar 18, 2010

ughmika:  No can do.

Please read the comments above on this page.  It will help you understand some of the reasons why.

Matter of fact - always a good idea to read previous discussion comments before creating more redundant noise.

 

WillJongIll

Jul 8, 2010

I poked through the forum but haven't found a sound argument against the original posters question (about a hypothetical feature that would allow you to block specific users from viewing your profile). 

 

It seems like a very simple and effective option to make it look like your account is disabled to people you aren't interested in and at the same time hide people from your searches.  I also like the idea of having a limited number of "slots" to use on shielding yourself from people.

Some people argued that this could be circumvented by determined people by creating fake profiles, but that's not an argument against the feature, just a potential weakness in it.  Despite this weakness, it seems like many people would like to see that feature and that it has distinct benefits.

It could even be added to A-List users only as an added privacy option.  This feature would not be in philosophical opposition to the OKC Authorities official answer on the subject of blocking people who do not fit certain criteria (as posted in this message thread by someone).

sfguyyy

Jul 8, 2010

 

I poked through the forum but haven't found a sound argument...

 

The fact that you can't find any doesn't automatically mean that they don't exist, or that others don't disagree with your value judgement of them.

And which "forum" did you poke through?  Did you read this entire topic - all five pages?

 

Despite this weakness, it seems like many people would like to see that feature...

 

Yes, undoubtedly.  And some people would like OkCupid to hand them a supermodel date on a silver platter too.  The fact that some people want it doesn't ipso facto make it a reasonable request.

(I will be recommending that the next person that burgles your house have a limit of 5 opportunities to make him/herself invisible. If they choose to use one of those opportunities while they are in the process of burgling your house, that's their perogative.)

 

 

WillJongIll

Jul 9, 2010

Guy, you sound like some kind of crazy OKCupid apparatchik.

As stated before, it seems that having a few "block slots" would be useful for people who want to block their ex's or possibly people they've gone on a date with, i.e. dates that turned into odd, unsettling or unpleasant experiences.  I'm sure the OKC-ladies you've cajoled into meeting you for coffee are behind me on this one.

Yes, undoubtedly.  And some people would like OkCupid to hand them a supermodel date on a silver platter too.

Thanks for putting these wild and crazy demands in perspective.  However, I don't see anyone standing at a podium *demanding* anything.  It seems though that this would be a solid feature that would benefit OKC users.  Therefore, if OKC were to make it, it would improve the OKC experience thus enhancing the appeal of OKC, and as such OKC would benefit from it.  This is known as constructive criticism.

As I mentioned, if it were implemented as an A-List option it would be yet another motivator to for users to pay for OKC and generate OKC revenue.  That said, I wouldn't complain if it were implemented for free.

 

And which "forum" did you poke through?  Did you read this entire topic - all five pages?

Yeah, I read the whole five pages of this message thread because I was curious to see how it wrapped up and if, indeed, this feature existed somewhere or was hidden or perhaps in the works.

 

The fact that you can't find any doesn't automatically mean that they don't exist...

I appreciate your Schroedingian insight.

 

Obviously everything is at the discretion of the OKC Powers-That-Be to decide what features should be implemented or not, but I don't understand your excitement over the "unreasonable nature" of the suggested feature.

My final thought: chill pill.

PS: lol @ the burglary "analogy"

DiscoJer

Jul 9, 2010

Dude, don't bother arguing with him about this place, his head is firmly stuck up OKCupid's staff's collective ass. They can do no wrong in his eyes.

(Indeed, he's the very model of a brownnoser, sucking up to them, trashing everyone that disagrees with their policies even slightly). And ignoring people asking for help, unless they happen to be female and under 60.

sfguyyy

Jul 10, 2010

 

I'm sure the OKC-ladies you've cajoled into meeting you for coffee are behind me on this one.

 

I recommend asking them, and learning first-hand that you are dead wrong on virtually every level there.

OH, and BTW: are you still doing that homicidal thing?

 

Therefore, if OKC were to make it, it would improve the OKC experience thus enhancing the appeal of OKC, and as such OKC would benefit from it. This is known as constructive criticism.

 

Actually I would call it stubborn unwillingness to accept the possibility that smart, wise and reasonable people actually disagree with you, for good reasons.

 

(Indeed, he's the very model of a brownnoser, sucking up to them, trashing everyone that disagrees with their policies even slightly). And ignoring people asking for help, unless they happen to be female and under 60. 

 

Utterly malicious lie, easily disproven by the public record here visible in thousands of places.

Yawn.  Get a life, Eeyore.

 

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